sometimes I’m just so sick and tired of myself. it’s like there’s nothing I can do right. it’s so hard to think positively and I just hate myself so much. yet I can’t bear to hate myself, because I don’t deserve it. I try to act like it’s okay when’s it not – I have to constantly have a facade on to pretend everything’s ok. I have no one else to rant to ( ok I do have people but I don’t want to bother them with my unnecessary thoughts ). I just think it’s best if I kept things to myself but what if I blow up like a grenade.
it’s stupid for me to feel this way since whatever I go through is trivial as compared to what others may go through and I’m sorry for being so selfish
it’s just people like to make me feel like a doll – they only come and play with me when they require my presence but when I need their help, they are nowhere to be found. it’s really irritating because for the record, I’ve lost almost all my close ig friends and it infuriates me so much. what do I lack that others have. it’s so tedious for me to keep up. when I care too much I seem clingy. when I’m unbothered they think I don’t care. it’s making me feel sick and urgh they’re all a waste of time. I’ve wasted enough time on people who ended up leaving.
I need to set my priorities straight ; good grades and a figure.
| I write most of my thoughts when I feel alone so sorry if i sounded mean. I’m just having a bad mood so it’s not supposed to sound nice and plus I don’t find a need to sugar coat things |