it’s funny because there was once when I sought for comfort when I started my instagram account. i felt that it was my only escape from the harsh reality and the problems I faced in life.
it was my mini getaway that I truly adored.
the people I meet there were a few hundred times nicer and funner than the friend I had in real life. they didn’t take any mind to my looks or my incessant fangirling. they were all so understanding and considerate. they were not judgmental and they were just such nice people
I remembered all the conversations I had shared with my supposed acquaintances. slowly we found our common topics and we begun our path of friendship. but then slowly drama embroils and it’s making it hard for me to handle it. I have online friendship problems and friendship problems in real life and I’m not willing to go through so much pain. To think a person cares when they don’t. To foolishly trust someone that should not be trusted
I’m not telling you to be skeptical of everyone and maybe you’ll meet your soulmate through social media but I give up. I give up for yearning for something that doesn’t exist. Internet is dangerous and it causes more pain than things in real life and yet I have failed to realize that in the past.
it’s really just a mere facade. you can be anything you want online. you can be a forty year old man but as soon as you log in into your account, you’re a teenager that likes boy bands. you can be a ten year old girl who reads rated fanfiction despite the age limitation. you can pretend to be something that you’re not. that scares me. because it means all along the people I’ve met aren’t being themselves – they aren’t supposed to be themselves but I was foolish and immature not to see it. people can say hurtful things online yet get away with it. it’s mortifying and yet we allow ourselves to be their willing victim.
recently, all my supposedly close friends changed – or maybe it’s only now I realize it. I’ve lost many. They all put it in a way that our personalities don’t match or they felt that the friendship was one sided but do they ever think about the good times we shared or the nice things I’ve done for them (it may not be many but still)
This is how selfish humans are and sometimes I have to be like them in order not to get hurt. They don’t care about the good things you’ve done but the hurt they’ve felt. Maybe it’s because I don’t really hold grudges – I get over them really fast. How stupid I have been to trust them. How stupid I have been to waste my time on them. They talked as though everything is perfectly normal even though they might actually hate you enough to create a hate account or they have a secret account which they block u. it’s disappointing really.
it takes so little time for them to call you their best friend or their bae ( abbreviation of before anyone else) so it’ll take the same amount of time for them to take that title away. it’s stupid because they have a million other baes and you’re just another from the many. the word once filled with meaning is now just turning into a mere trend. people are nice to everyone that I want to know whether they’re ever real (or are they truly nice) it’s contradicting since I still use instagram but after so many downs I’ve started to grow tired.
I’m tired. I’m tired of trusting and telling too much. I’m tired of devoting time to people that don’t care. I’m not stopping because Internet is powerful. it allows me to start this blog where people from all over the word get to read it. it allows me to publish my fanfiction that I have no where else to display.
it’s still my getaway from two years back but the thing is I’ve changed. I don’t want to get hurt anymore. it can be the most trivial matter but I don’t want to go through it.
I need to set my priorities on one thing : my grades.
will my popularity on social media get me paid ? will it benefit me to have a thousand of fake people surrounding me? will the friends I have be there when I’m down? will my friends pay for my bills and all my expenses?
only I can help myself and it’s now or never