online or nah

I used to find comfort on social media platforms , especially instagram. The favourite part of my entire day was going online and talking to people on instagram (that’s about it) I like talking, I still do. 

they were all so nice and friendly. they didn’t care about how I looked or how lame I was. they didn’t judge. but little did I know they did. like any ordinary human would. 

they were more vicious than people in real life. they created hate accounts. they said mean things. they made me feel so small. I know what I went through is trivial in many’s eyes and that it might have been partially my own fault, but it was not something every teenagers should go through.

I just find it hard. There are people who created a hate account for me and whenever they’re asked such questions they’ll deny and say they’ll never ever create a hate account or even hate on people. that is utterly disgusting. they hide their acts and pretend to be nice. that is revolting.

to be honest I rather have a frank and kind friends than one that always sweetens her words and pretends to be absolutely nice.

I keep repeating and whining about this but this entire experience gave me an intake of how people here can be ( maybe I’m mean too) I don’t really enjoy talking to people as much as I did. It’s like you devote and waste so much on so many people who can’t even remember you. you think so highly of their shallow existence and they don’t even bother about you

I don’t make much sense rambling do I. I don’t sound as eloquent as some would so bear with me. alright I’ve lost the spark. I can’t really write well without sounding too personal. but I’ll try ??? 

-stasia 

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