warning: this is more or less a very long note on how much I suck. I really needed a place to express myself and so why not.
it’s really just me rambling
firstly it’s about that review i got for my fanfiction entitled unadulterated beauty.
so here’s the very long review :
Title (1/20): To be honest, this title seems really cliche. It reads like a fanfic about kingkas and queenkas and nerds. I’m sorry if it sounds harsh, but the title seems like you just tried to make it sound as deep and meaningful as possible. Also, PLEASE capitalize it so it looks like this: Unadulterated Beauty. Also, it has nothing to do with the story so far.
Description (1/10): The description honestly isn’t that interesting. It’s really unappealing, mostly beacause most of your words aren’t capitalized. It looks really messy and it’s hard to focus. The only good thing is that you know how to use a foreward box.
Character (2/15): None of your characters came to life or were relateable. I got bored with them to be honest, and that should never happen. No sign of character development or any personality.
Appearance (2.5/5): You don’t have a background or a poster. Not having a poster is fine, but I really do think that backgrounds are great at setting the mood. In the second chapter the font was way too small. And in the third, the font was way too big.
Plot (0/20): First off, I don’t know why Kyungsoo doesn’t know that the king is Jongin. Wouldn’t the king’s subjects know who their king is, even though they’re disconnected from society? Maybe you should put that Jongin was in disguise when he met Kai? Also at the last part of chapter one, it isn’t clear that Sehun is the queen. It was really confusing. Overall, your fic was extremely cliche. The regular love triangle and a serf working for a king where they ultimately fall in love is overly used.
“But my fic isn’t that bad! Why did I get a 0?” You ask. Well I’m not sure if you read the rules (or even the title really), but this is Lemon Candy ONESHOT Reviews. Meaning that we only review oneshots. And since this is an ongoing fic, I’m pretty sure it’s not a oneshot. The only reason that I’m posting this review is because I thought that it was done and I didn’t want my work to go to waste.
Originality (0/15): First off Kyungsoo is an orphan. I’m not saying anything bad about orphans, I just feel that they are very overused. Orphans are just a way for the character to have complete freedom and gain sympathy from the reader. That’s how I see it. The story is also very Aladdin-esque, and I don’t think any of what you wrote is insanely original.
Grammar (2/10): One of the biggest problems is the fic is your tenses. Also you tend to make your story very…fluff filled. I’m not talking about fluff as in the genre, I’m talking about the writing style. Fluff is basically useless information the writer puts in for the sake of making their essay (or story in this case) longer or seem more complex then it really is. Take this sentence for example:
The distinct features and sharp jawline made him look breathtaking and it was as though he looked like royalty. Kyungsoo could tell royalty when he sees one.
The problem I have with this sentence is “it was as though he looked like royalty” immediately follwing to “Kyungsoo could tell royalty when he sees one.” So is he royalty or does he just look like royalty. Take out that second sentence.
“Your Majesty, Yixing thinks that it is not safe for you to wander off like this. Please stay where we can watch over Your Majesty and please mind your health.” Yixing chided even if he was in no place to. He was merely worried sick of the King that had blended with the crowd and had gone missing for the past hour. Plus it was his duty to make sure that the King wasn’t in trouble or in this matter dead.
Why is Yixing talking in 3rd person here? Also you don’t have to capitalize king.
“I am not a child and walking will certainly not affect my health. I have not been out for so long. You know how suffocating it is to be in the palace all day.” Jongin groaned at the mention of the palace.
If someone who reads this isn’t an Exo fan, they’ll be extremely confused. Stick with Kai or Jongin unless you say somewhere that they are the same person. Same thing with Kris.
Kyungsoo speedily finished his sentence, face burning up into a bright shade of geranium as he buried his face into his palms in embarrassment.
What kind of geranium exactly? There’s both red and purple, and I don’t think you turn purple from embarrasment. The thing about the way you write is that you try to use too much figurative language, but it usually sounds a bit awkward. I think that maybe you found some inspiration from other fanfics that are written similarly to this? Not all stories need to be told like a poem. There are a lot of readers that find a simplistic style of writing attractive as well. Maybe you should try for that kind? But the way you write this story, it sounds like you’re trying too hard. On top of that, your grammar is awful so it sounds really awkward. I think you should start with a more simple style of writing, then expand once you have a good grasp on the English language.
Overall Enjoyment (0/5): I did not enjoy this STORY at all. I got bored in the middle and it took me about 2 hours to finish because I got easily distracted. Your characters were flat, your story was boring, and I did not enjoy this at all. Thank you so much for wasting my precious time.
I only posted this review because I felt like my work was going to waste. Next time you request at a review shop, how about you read the rules? I’m not adding you to a blacklist because I don’t understand the point in making a blacklist for one person. If you think of this as a direct attack, I would have worded my words better if you requested a short or completed story; however, you requested a confusing fanfic that bored me to death. Did you skim the rules for the password or something? Don’t bother crediting, I don’t really care for it. However, I want you to leave long feedback, confirmation that you did read every single word of this review.
Let this be a lesson to all future requestors, if you request a story that isn’t completed I will be extremely harsh and you will not have good credit in my books.
I would continue more, but I feel like I’ve made my point. If you don’t leave feedback, I’ll be telling all future and present affiliates that you don’t follow rules and to deny your requests. I’ll also be posting a warning everywhere. You’ve wasted my time, and I’m extremely irritated.
Think I’m harsh? Well maybe you should have read the rules.
I think to a certain extent she was right. She was right about the fact that my grammar is really bad because I keep switching from last to present . My punctuation and capitalization is messy and the paragraphing is unorganized. I respect her criticism and I will work to do better but I felt it was unnecessarily harsh like sure my writing is shit but you don’t have to put me down like that.
I do admit that those were the major flaws of my fanfiction and I will try to change them but really. My plot was a whooping 0.
A zero !!!!
It crashed my heart for anyone to tell me that my plot was a zero because it took me ages and I felt all my effort chugged down the drain. The plot was my favourite. It took me so so long to come up with it. I admit that some other fics did give me inspiration but none of it was like a direct copy from it because I had a plot planned out. A 4 part plot all planned out and I was so pumped to write them all out.
Then my description was a 1. All the vocabulary I attempted to use and all the 8.7k words I wrote and in her eyes it was a one. I admit the words I use aren’t the best and I can’t describe a lot of things but it just sucked to know how someone could not see my effort of writing out each description.
Next she said fluff was useless information. I’ don’t quite get that because fluff is more or less romantically cheesy lines that is sure to make one cringe. It isn’t unnecessary if it is able to bring out the character. There is fluff in life too and you don’t find that unnecessary do you. Life doesn’t always have to be bad and if life already sucks, why should I make my fic sad. It isn’t a single bit useless. People write fluffy fanfics all the time and I’m certain it’s not to make their story longer.
next up lets be real, nothing in this world is fully original. As original as it seems, there will probably be another person with a similar story line. Originality should be in a form that no one has it in the almost exact form. How many fanfictions have you seen with kaisoo Royal au and Kyungsoo is an orphan with a similar plot. I can assure you not many. It may seem similar but hello I’m not even not near done yet.
next you said how is it possible Kyungsoo has never met the King before. obviously you haven’t been reading or watching historical shows because the palace is huge and the king almost never visits where the servants are and Kyungsoo is rather disconnected so he didn’t know of the King when he was out there, he only vaguely remembered his name. Even when he arrived, Kyungsoo being the one that loathes royalty won’t go about exploring would he.
I would continue but it would be too long. I mean you do have the right to say what you want but to pinpoint every mistake to make me feel shit really isn’t a good thing. I admit my fic is terrible but it wasn’t necessary to be that harsh . It should never hold your personal feelings but just judging solely on the fanfiction itself.
This got me so hard. I know I have no coordination and I can’t dance for a life but I did it just for fun. I’m not the most passionate dancer because I lost my confidence. I gained a lot of weight while I was learning ballet and my teacher would always put me down so much so that I grew scared to dance in front of an audience , much less a video. I liked dancing but knowing how odd I look i stopped. I have to grow less conscious of what people think but it’s not that easy.
I’m not the type with good rhythm and I’m pretty sloppy but that’s because I can’t even remember the dance no matter how hard I tried. Executing the dance took me forever and it took me almost fifteen takes. That pathetic 30 second video was my best and I did it just because people suggested and I thought I could make them smile because I really do suck. You can’t just tell me my best is as good as not dancing because do you know how it feels.
I just hate it because they don’t know how it’s like to be me where my only assets is my studies and my writing and for someone to tell me I suck at writing, it’s indirectly telling me that you have failed in everything in your life go die please. beacause I can’t do sports, I can’t sing or dance. I’m not pretty or skinny. I can’t do art and I’m bad with handicraft. my cooking isn’t fantastic and I can’t play any instrument and I don’t really have a skill. so my sole assets is my brain which is also not that great. I try a lot to find a new skill but I can’t seem to.
But I guess time will tell. Just please don’t pull me down. I get easily affected by words and I’m emotional so don’t just tell me to suck it up and grow up. I’m immature at times but that’s just me. It infuriates me so much when people carelessly insult everything about me when they don’t get how much I try to strive for the better. I keep struggling and trying and I keep failing.
in other words, I’m a failed product of society