older but not neccesarily wiser

It scares me how the years went by and I’m yet another year older. Kids often yearn to grow old so they can be the supposed big kids which they assume have tons of pros like getting to stay up and having a sense of freedom. But how I wish I could be younger, i don’t like being my age, it’s where you’re not really a child anymore and you’re heading towards a life full of responsibilities which I’m not mentally prepared for. It’s where if I don’t work hard now, it’ll be too late after. It’s where I’m building up a solid foundation for a better future. It’s where I have to think about insignificant things that my peers surround themselves with less. 

I barely know what I’m doing, merely trapped in a mundane routine of going to school and getting back, rushing assignments, revising the numerous subjects. It’s not going to be as bad as later on but I don’t want to think of later on as of now. I’ve set aside a few resolutions that I have to work on since I’m older now. It’s not a nice feeling knowing that I have to sacrifice and give up on certain things in life in order to gain just one – a better future. There has been numerous times I wished I could be resting instead of studying. There has been numerous times where I wished that things would miraculously come my way. But it’s all just hard work and more hard work to shape a better future. 

In a year, I felt that I grew a lot. I’m less sensitive to things that people say and their glowering stares. I’m more sensitive to the emotions of others and I’ve started to develop a filter to filter out things that should not be said. I’ve gotten a clearer mindset on what I want in life and what I have to do to achieve it. I know the tempting insignificant things in life that I may succumb and I’ve learnt to cast them away. I’m not enough, not as smart or as great as many but at least I know what I want and I’ll keep striving towards it. 

Sadly, i’m older now but not necessarily wiser.

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