You’re back again, unannounced and I’m just saying I don’t quite appreciate your presence. I’m sure i got rid of you after receiving my report book but there you are again ! You’re mocking me aren’t you. I know I know neither ‘ luck ‘ nor ‘ success ‘ is on my side but I’m not giving up just yet.
It just frightens me that no matter how hard i try to resist and fight you, you seem to hit me even harder, until I fall into a state of abject misery and complete despondency and even then you won’t stop.
You insist in repearring in my life even after I’ve clearly told you that you’re unwanted and that you should leave. You’re there when I look at the mirror. You’re there when my cheeks are stained with tears and my eyes are swollen with grief. You’re there when I feel helpless, all alone, legs crossed, messily covered in sheets as i hide myself, fearing to face anyone or anything. You’re there when I eat too much and run too little. You seem to be here far too much and it’s driving me insane. You have the tendency to show up with ‘ failure ‘, i heard it’s because you two are great friends and often come in a pair and I’m certain i abhor both of you equally.
You make me feel so insufficient, so insignificant, so inadequate that I have to seek ‘ confidence ‘ for some self esteem, or else I may end up knocking on the doors of death.
However, I’m warning you not to get all too full of yourself because I’m ending it here. I don’t want to run and hide from you and play those little games of yours. That victorious smirk playing on your lips tells me that you think I won’t stop wallowing in my usual self pity but i will. i know you can never cease to exist, you’re always here but I’m not giving you my undivided attention anymore. I will not allow you to determine how I’ll live. I will not give you access to feed me with lies and drown me in negativity. I will not allow to cast shadows of defeat over my life. I will not allow you to watch me crumble and break and eventualy fall apart. You will not ruin my life anymore.