different you same me

hey you,

just before we met, a past lover told me that you would be great. I still remember his weakening grip, sheepish grin on lips before begrudgingly admitting that you were better than him. he assured me that you were the fresh change I needed and i ought to embrace your spontaneity. he wasn’t wrong when he said you would be providing me with opportunities aplenty, lunging me out of my comfort zone, much to my exasperation.

although I was wary, I approached you with renewed faith. a part of me was hoping for a turning point in life. i thought that being with you meant that the problems i shared with him would dissipate. somehow, i would magically have my confidence restored and things would fall in place. things never seem to ever fall in place. instead, i feel strangely out of place and familiarity never quite felt this foreign before.

during our time together, it is undeniable that you brought me a great deal of elation, gifting me with countless moments with people that are dear to me. of course, i would prefer not discuss about their presence, or rather the lack thereof. no one warned me of the terms and conditions that applied. i was plain silly to believe that you were an exception. instead of healing, i was hurting deeply in unfathomable ways.

every fall gives me the impression of the impossibility to reach a point any lower. you’ve only proven me wrong. when things went awry, I was left alone to shoulder the burden. it has never been easy, especially when you feel like you are drifting between worlds that you do not belong in. who knew floating could make one feel so trapped instead.

despite all that you have put me through, it’s astounding that i’m still breathing. even though fear will always be in me, i will still embrace new beginnings with another you. here i am, still waiting.

yours truly,

the one who only has 365 days to spare

side note: incoherent but representative of my state of mind HAHAHA gotta stop blaming writer’s block and still produce some content, so i wrote this with a cluttered mind. bad times will pass.

also if you look hard enough, you’ll see the word that describes how i truly feel.

and no this is not about anyone in particular, goodbye 2018, you will not be missed :”)