to 婆婆

in loving memory of my dearest grandma. popo, may you rest in peace.

while we were

starving for more,

stuck in the hours of

perpetual hunger,

you chose not to

go for seconds.

there was no longer

an appetite for treating,

only the painstaking

preparation of laying

your final words

on the dining table

this is yet another

yearly gathering

of void apologies

for consciousness

always arrives late

and the awakening

only happens

at your wake

a part of me is

unable to tear

myself away from

the sight of how

your lips part

in a smile while

you are still

unmoving and

nothing stirs

popo, it shatters me that you’re gone. it still feels surreal that someone so full of life is no longer here. chinese new year will be different without your strict supervision at the kitchen and your birthday angbaos and my attempts at speaking to you in broken teochew in which you would still greet me with your warmth. it is the little things that still make me smile when i think of you. i still remember how gentle your voice sounds when you call out my name and how your face lights up whenever you see me. i still cannot forget your words during our conversation in the hospital months ago, you held my hand in yours and told me 你妈妈是个好人，你定要孝顺她 ( your mom is a good person, please be filial to her. ) i hope that you’re at a better place now and rest assured that i’ll do as you wish and beyond that.